screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
