i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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