Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
