you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
