I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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