based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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