Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize