Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
