i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
