There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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