how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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