the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
