Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize