I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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