I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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