did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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