id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
