Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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