you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
