It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
