I skipped work to stalk him.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
