it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
