I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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