she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
