there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize