watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
