He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
