Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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