i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
