He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize