so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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