i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
