Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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