You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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