ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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