Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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