thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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