Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
