Moan for me like Helen Keller
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
