I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
