There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
