All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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