We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
