I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
