First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
