At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
