No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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