Will you blow on my dice?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
