I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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