I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
