I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
