i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
