Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize