my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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