Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
