Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
