im having a threesome with these popsicles
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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