there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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