Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
