Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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